In the name of "The Season", I've let myself take a break.
Not the typical "Amber" kind of break when I create mountains of projects for myself to tackle. But a real person kind of break. I've been sitting around watching The Real Housewives of New York, teaching myself to cook, enjoying as many social outings as I please, staying up well past my usual 9:30 bedtime, aimlessly browsing the internet for some great sale or vacation plans to jump out at me and taking many long wonderful nappy noodles!
I'm starting to feel something coming though. I've got quite a few things cookin' for 2011, but a few things have to fall into place before I can share my plans with the world. A few people know bits and pieces, but the grande plans are still a little gray.
In keeping with the fact that this is my blog about my new adventures in life... I wanted to have a few words with myself. Perhaps it works more along the lines of.. if I lay out my guidelines for the world to read, then I'm somehow become even more committed than I already am? I know this sounds kinda weird, but I think thats partially how I stay strong.
---->Insert random, but pertinent side bar. My sister and I were in the car today and I told her I kinda had plans tonight. But not real plans, just the kind where two people will possibly hangout. These plans were discussed a week ago, but not really ever confirmed. Okay, so its about 5:30, I look like a hot mess and have not contacted the person as to which I may or may not have plans with. Honestly, I just don't feel like being a part of the real world today. It was a day full of sewing, The Housewives, leftovers from last nights' great meal and a 3 hour nap. So I was planning on bailing out anyways.. That's right, my life is tough these days. Okay so back to the point of this side bar. As I'm telling my sister about these half hearted plans, she some how magically morphs into my dad from when I was in highschool. "No, you will not be going to see this person. If they havn't contacted you by now then they are not our kind of people." Me-"But Amy, these weren't real plans, not like a date, just like we might hang out." Amy-"No. If you hangout long enough you might like this person and I can tell already if they haven't called then you don't need to be hanging out." Okay seriously, on what planet is my sister from? I'll tell you.. The planet of the Sollock's. Where we were not allowed to do anything that was not properly planned by Wednesday for the following weekend. Me-" Amy, I'm just interested in hanging out and being entertained. Nothing more." Amy-"We can hang out, but you don't need to be hanging out with this person." Ok, so perhaps this sisterly saga seems slightly blown out of proportion.. of which yes, my sister has the nack for doing so. But the truth is, she’s My Person these days. She knows my plans/wants/needs and has promised to be loud and clear this time around with her opinions. So the pertinence to this story is, when someone else knows what you want- They are likely to keep you in check even when you may not see what’s really going on. <-------- End Side Bar.
2 days have gone by. Its now Wednesday night.
So, in the name of the season I've taken a break. Its been Greeeat!
Truly a time to sit back and focus on what and where I R-E-A-L-L-Y WANT to be and be doing in my life. I've always had this checklist in life. It went, design and make my own pink fluffy prom dress, get degree in architecture, live in NYC, build and decorate beautiful house, own my own residential design/ build empire, marry a wonderful man and raise 2 or 4 curly haired babies. Ok. So check, check, check and check. That’s four checks. And I'm left at own my own residential design and construction empire. I always envisioned getting married and starting my company in my early 30's. So what the heck am I suppose to do in my 20s?
It seems to me, the 20s are a decade that our generation is the first to navigate in a different way than all of those before us. For the most part, our parents and grandparents either went to college, joined the service or immediately started working after high school. That took them to about the age of 22 or 23 at which time they married and immediately started having children. Now I know this still happens for a lot of people. But there’s an ever expanding population that believes 30 is the new 20. I happen to be apart of that generation. Ok, so if 30 is the new 20- and me and all most of my friends aren't married and making babies- then what are we suppose to be doing with all these years? I've lived a lot in these past few years, but I'm just not so into the crazy club scene anymore. I still thoroughly enjoy an adult beverage or 4, but there’s no lying... I'm certainly not 21 years old anymore. I will most definitely be paying the price of drinking the next day. So, while I do have my fair share of fun- its just not my biggest objective in life.
And well, you've already kinda gotten the previous job and current career situation... So what's a 26 year old girl to do? Just get a new job, work everyday, wait anxiously for the weekend, wait patiently for the man of my dreams- bla bla bla.. Are you seeing the picture here? How much "fun" can you have before you can say you've checked that box? DONT get me wrong, I think I'm plenty of fun and fully believe laughing and having fun is one of life’s keys to success. But why should I spend these years of my life working, "waiting" and drinking too much?
So I choose to do things differently. I choose to take a chance and try to push my dream job forward a few years. I choose to put myself in a position to go out and see some of the world. I choose to focus on and grow my own spiritual beliefs. No longer just say that's what I believe just because of whatever people say, but to really dig deep and develop a real foundation of which to build my future on. I choose to push myself to try new things in life and enjoy those of which I know I love.
Ya ya ya. This may seem lofty, but can honestly say.. I can't think of too many people I know that are willing to put themselves out there like I'm committed to doing. Most just focus on the grind of their job. The thrill of the weekend. The angst of waiting for The One to come along. Seeking that promotion. Going to grad school. Saving for their next big buy. Bla. Bla. Bla. I'm over it all.
I'm moving forward in bigger ways than I ever imagined myself doing. During the years in my life that I didn't know what I was suppose to be doing with... Well, I'm just carving out a new direction for myself.
Insert 12/23/10 12:08 Central- I signed on to FB and saw this posted on my my news feed.. too perfect! It look like I'll have some new reading to do as I wrap up my "break" http://www.npr.org/2010/12/23/132214529/three-books-to-quell-your-quarter-life-crisis
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
All in a Day's Work
All in a days work.
It’s a funny thing that work. I suppose it’s a prerequisite to money- of which money is a requirement to survive in today’s world. But with all my new found free time and in all my efforts to refuel my soul- I find myself focusing a lot on what my new "work" shall be. My little mind gets flooded with multiple vivid vignettes when I start to think about it. So I thought I'd break them down into segments, ramble through my thoughts and see where I land.
Let's lay the playing cards out on the table. I am a classic overachiever. I've spent my entire life outdoing some imaginative competitor that lives in a small cloud just above my left ear. She's a loud and feisty one, this competitor. She eggs me on, makes me go to the Nth degree and quite often loose sight of what I may truly want at the end of the day. It's necessary to explain this so that new friends out there don't think they stumbled into the words of a complete free style hippie spirited gal. Nope. I believe in work. Hard work. Earning what you've been given. And pushing through to get a job done.
So to flip the coin, because you know there are always two sides to a story. Why would I quit my great job? Especially in this economy?! Amber, Are you K-k-krazy? Perhaps. But truth is, there just wasn't anything left. The reserves were gone, tapped out, end of the road, hit the flashing green button and please try again later. Key Word- Later. There's a myriad of reasons, none of which are important for this ramble, but I just knew I had to sit back for awhile and take a break. Okay well, that probably about as hippie free spirit as I'm gonna get.. because guess what. Within one week, I went out and made the investment of my short little life time! Well, kinda. I'd purchased and remodeled my own home three years prior, but this was the first time I put a sizable amount of my own green on the table for an investment property. And why? The smart kid in the room would guess that I was obviously doing it because I had researched and found the perfect deal with a sizable return that would be plenty comparable to my previous real job. Ha. You couldn't be more wrong. I made the deal because I knew I should. It was the absolute first thing in a very loooong long time that made me jump with excitement. Ya ya, I've been excited about the couch I recovered, the dream wedding I planned or the man in my previous life... But let's get this straight. A person's work or the way I think about it- A person's passion gives a return of immeasurable fuel that can propel even the darkest of souls or dare I say our great county out of our darkest of funks. Get it- Its passion- its the American dream- its freedom to do what you want just because you can- its an energy that very often creates revenue- its energy that drives me and you- its the energy we all search for, even as a country its what we're looking for. (Insert, I just think its humorous that when a war didn't pull us out that we resorted to spending as our obvious solution) But come on people, I hate to make a comparison to such great magnitudes, but I am passionate about building, designing and more than anything working. And I think its just kinda cool that me, a not so very politically savvy product of the American school system still "gets" the idea of where we came from.
-Its passion: Passion to me is the feeling I get when I can't help but clinch my fists, bend my elbows and pump my fist one stiff time with a "heck ya" screaming in my mind.
-Its the American dream: The beautiful thing about the American dream is the many shapes it takes across our country and homes. But to me, a construction brat, the girl whos grown up on a construction site and bared witness to what it means to work. The American dream is the beautiful synchronized march of the rod busters as they bend down as a group and with one fail swoop carry their load of rebar across the frozen deck. They walk to the same cadence. The drop with the same pace. All done with such ease that the girl who also grew up watching The Nutcracker Ballet, had never seen such grace. They are some of the hardest working Americans I've ever known; only the real men cut it out there. The pay wasn't extraordinary, the hours were never stellar, but they were paving a street(sometimes literally) but a figurative street to a new life for them and their families. It's their spirit that resonates with me the strongest when I sit back and think of the American Dream.
-Its freedom to do what you want just because you can: This one has never meant to me as much to me as it does today. I will state it simply and you can feel free to interpret as you will. I don't think you or I have ever understood the freedom in our choices until it is taken away. Until you can no longer do as you want. Until your decisions are no longer based on what is good for yours and your families' well being. For me, this is a new concept.. the freedom to do what you want just because you can.
- Its an energy that often creates revenue: I left my very stable and well paid job- well for nothing to be quite honest. I didn't have something lined up a few weeks out. I didn't plan on looking immediately. And well quite frankly I thought I'd end up working at Starbucks or Niemen’s. There was by far not a plan in sight, but there was plenty of trust. Trust in myself. Knowing that I had the kind of energy that boiled over top of the ordinary containers of life. Knowing that my gut would not lead me to starvation (feel free to insert a small chuckle at the thought of my gut starving.. I sure know I'm smiling as I write this) But all in all, I knew without a shadow of doubt that I believed in a God that was molding me for bigger and greater things to come. I knew then and I know it today. In the interim, I'm just chillin out being pliable. Enjoying the options and awaiting the revenue of life.
-Its P p passION! I'm going to be quite honest at this point. There was a period of years there for me that I some how forgot what it was like to indulge your passion for life. Perhaps it odd that I'm a mere 26 and say that with pure heart ache and truth. But what a lesson to learn so early on in life. I've spent a great deal of time analyzing where I let it slip away through the tips of my fingers, but believe you me.. it will not happen again.
Okay so work. I know this has turned into quite the rambling escapade. Believe me, I know. It took me two sittings just to get through this one. .. I can only imagine how much time the serious bloggers put in. I mean, I'm unemployed and do as I please- how do these super moms out there track there babies' every step via their baby blog all in the names of friends and family?! I've been reading several friends blogs for years, but now that I've actually hit the key board.. I've got no idea how real people find the time?!
But back to work. As excruciating as this was for some of you to read this far down the page. This is only the beginning of my thoughts on the subject of work. While some may have an image in their minds that I am super career women, what if I told you that I believe my greatest work will be in a role I haven't even began to dabble in. Hmm.. Food for thought.
But thoughts for another blog.
It’s a funny thing that work. I suppose it’s a prerequisite to money- of which money is a requirement to survive in today’s world. But with all my new found free time and in all my efforts to refuel my soul- I find myself focusing a lot on what my new "work" shall be. My little mind gets flooded with multiple vivid vignettes when I start to think about it. So I thought I'd break them down into segments, ramble through my thoughts and see where I land.
Let's lay the playing cards out on the table. I am a classic overachiever. I've spent my entire life outdoing some imaginative competitor that lives in a small cloud just above my left ear. She's a loud and feisty one, this competitor. She eggs me on, makes me go to the Nth degree and quite often loose sight of what I may truly want at the end of the day. It's necessary to explain this so that new friends out there don't think they stumbled into the words of a complete free style hippie spirited gal. Nope. I believe in work. Hard work. Earning what you've been given. And pushing through to get a job done.
So to flip the coin, because you know there are always two sides to a story. Why would I quit my great job? Especially in this economy?! Amber, Are you K-k-krazy? Perhaps. But truth is, there just wasn't anything left. The reserves were gone, tapped out, end of the road, hit the flashing green button and please try again later. Key Word- Later. There's a myriad of reasons, none of which are important for this ramble, but I just knew I had to sit back for awhile and take a break. Okay well, that probably about as hippie free spirit as I'm gonna get.. because guess what. Within one week, I went out and made the investment of my short little life time! Well, kinda. I'd purchased and remodeled my own home three years prior, but this was the first time I put a sizable amount of my own green on the table for an investment property. And why? The smart kid in the room would guess that I was obviously doing it because I had researched and found the perfect deal with a sizable return that would be plenty comparable to my previous real job. Ha. You couldn't be more wrong. I made the deal because I knew I should. It was the absolute first thing in a very loooong long time that made me jump with excitement. Ya ya, I've been excited about the couch I recovered, the dream wedding I planned or the man in my previous life... But let's get this straight. A person's work or the way I think about it- A person's passion gives a return of immeasurable fuel that can propel even the darkest of souls or dare I say our great county out of our darkest of funks. Get it- Its passion- its the American dream- its freedom to do what you want just because you can- its an energy that very often creates revenue- its energy that drives me and you- its the energy we all search for, even as a country its what we're looking for. (Insert, I just think its humorous that when a war didn't pull us out that we resorted to spending as our obvious solution) But come on people, I hate to make a comparison to such great magnitudes, but I am passionate about building, designing and more than anything working. And I think its just kinda cool that me, a not so very politically savvy product of the American school system still "gets" the idea of where we came from.
-Its passion: Passion to me is the feeling I get when I can't help but clinch my fists, bend my elbows and pump my fist one stiff time with a "heck ya" screaming in my mind.
-Its the American dream: The beautiful thing about the American dream is the many shapes it takes across our country and homes. But to me, a construction brat, the girl whos grown up on a construction site and bared witness to what it means to work. The American dream is the beautiful synchronized march of the rod busters as they bend down as a group and with one fail swoop carry their load of rebar across the frozen deck. They walk to the same cadence. The drop with the same pace. All done with such ease that the girl who also grew up watching The Nutcracker Ballet, had never seen such grace. They are some of the hardest working Americans I've ever known; only the real men cut it out there. The pay wasn't extraordinary, the hours were never stellar, but they were paving a street(sometimes literally) but a figurative street to a new life for them and their families. It's their spirit that resonates with me the strongest when I sit back and think of the American Dream.
-Its freedom to do what you want just because you can: This one has never meant to me as much to me as it does today. I will state it simply and you can feel free to interpret as you will. I don't think you or I have ever understood the freedom in our choices until it is taken away. Until you can no longer do as you want. Until your decisions are no longer based on what is good for yours and your families' well being. For me, this is a new concept.. the freedom to do what you want just because you can.
- Its an energy that often creates revenue: I left my very stable and well paid job- well for nothing to be quite honest. I didn't have something lined up a few weeks out. I didn't plan on looking immediately. And well quite frankly I thought I'd end up working at Starbucks or Niemen’s. There was by far not a plan in sight, but there was plenty of trust. Trust in myself. Knowing that I had the kind of energy that boiled over top of the ordinary containers of life. Knowing that my gut would not lead me to starvation (feel free to insert a small chuckle at the thought of my gut starving.. I sure know I'm smiling as I write this) But all in all, I knew without a shadow of doubt that I believed in a God that was molding me for bigger and greater things to come. I knew then and I know it today. In the interim, I'm just chillin out being pliable. Enjoying the options and awaiting the revenue of life.
-Its P p passION! I'm going to be quite honest at this point. There was a period of years there for me that I some how forgot what it was like to indulge your passion for life. Perhaps it odd that I'm a mere 26 and say that with pure heart ache and truth. But what a lesson to learn so early on in life. I've spent a great deal of time analyzing where I let it slip away through the tips of my fingers, but believe you me.. it will not happen again.
Okay so work. I know this has turned into quite the rambling escapade. Believe me, I know. It took me two sittings just to get through this one. .. I can only imagine how much time the serious bloggers put in. I mean, I'm unemployed and do as I please- how do these super moms out there track there babies' every step via their baby blog all in the names of friends and family?! I've been reading several friends blogs for years, but now that I've actually hit the key board.. I've got no idea how real people find the time?!
But back to work. As excruciating as this was for some of you to read this far down the page. This is only the beginning of my thoughts on the subject of work. While some may have an image in their minds that I am super career women, what if I told you that I believe my greatest work will be in a role I haven't even began to dabble in. Hmm.. Food for thought.
But thoughts for another blog.
Monday, December 13, 2010
The Day Has Come
The day has come; well it came yesterday that is.
First of all, welcome family and friends! This is the first official post to my new blog of which is intended to be shared with my family and friends. I've been all over the map, but mostly off everyone's radar.. so I thought it was time take the public plunge and throw it all out there. If you're a nay-sayer or find yourself rolling your eyes at yet another "blogger" than please feel free to make your way to the top right hand corner of this screen and click the friendly "x" button. Because this is "Auntie Amber - Blog Time", as my niece KK would say. (I can't wait to share this particular story created by the funniest mini-human I know) Anyhoo, I'm a rambler, not a great speller and while I made A's- grammar is not my deal. So please let's not judge.
Welcome Greeting- Check
Blog Room Business- Check
First Blog- So I'm sitting in church yesterday and the pastor is talking about waiting for 2010 to be over. And oh how a loud clap rang out from the second to the last row of the balcony seating (yup , that where I sit since I can't ever make it on time) Ooo how I clapped, nodded my head and said a silent amen! For those who don't personally know me, I will share more at a later date- but its just too much of a story and actually isn't the reason for today's intro. post.
So I've got that giddy school girl smirk I seem to carry these days, I'm clapping my hands and before he could make it too far into the next sentence- it hit me. I'm already there. Well not in the sense that the calendar year of 2010 is over for me, but man 2010 is o-v-e-r for me! How, what, when, what the heck am I talking about.
At this point let me finish the story of yesterday's message, of course he went on to talk about there are no guarantees that 2011 will be any better and that we must rejoice in the times of where we are. I'm pretty sure he wrote the message for me. I mean forget the several thousands of other people that received the message- nope this one was certainly for me. I mean how else would my mind have concluded such things and already "got it" before he could even begin his talk? Needless to say, I was all ears on deck. And wheew.. it was a good one. My mind was racing faster than it has.. well in a good long while that is! There are several things that I left with yesterday, of which I'd love to share later, but for today I'm going to focus on one-
2010 is over for me. I have made it to the other side and I am magically blissfully happy. My dignity is in tact. My heart no longer races and feels like its going to explode. I'll shed a few sad tears after a few cocktails with the girls, but hold that horse- The tears I cried yesterday were pure- thankful- and joyful tears.
It wasn't too long ago I was overwhelmed with emotion, couldn't get out of bed and found myself without two legs to stand on. I felt like I was knocked unconscious and being dragged out of the party by those who cared. My legs of life didn't seem to work anymore, much less have any clue as to where they would be headed. In my secret blog I've kept about marriage and divorce, I concluded September 18, 2010 with this. "Oh the day (of peace)- I know you'll be here soon." Knowing the day would come has been my sole motivation to put one foot in front of the other and walk blindly into a world I no longer recognized.
It's been three months since I wrote that. In that time I've signed the final papers, I've quit my job, I've bought an investment property, I've sat in my robe until noon many days, I've played countless hours with my niece, I've joined a women's group at my church, I've danced my heart out, I've found solace in total strangers, but more than anything I've never believed so much in a God so good and the blessings he has for those who are faithful. I come from a tight circle of Christians, Jews and atheist- so lets not all start to run because I mention God.
But instead hear a story of when my house fell silent and I could no longer make it on my own, I prayed. I pray a lot these days. I am by far not a perfect anything, but geesh- if I had not prayed and continued praying I don't know I could have gotten where I am so soon. Yesterday's realization that 2010 was already over simple because of my own ability to recognize that I was truly happy again- what an "Ah ha" moment as Oprah would say. Ok yes, if you want to run at the mention of Oprah than more power to ya! But in all seriousness, I realized for the first time yesterday as I was gleefully clapping for 2010 to be over- that I was actually rejoicefully clapping because I'm just straight up rejoiceful these days. I'm happy. I'm excited. I know what my new goals are. I've got some freakin' exciting things on my horizon. And gosh darn, I didn't even realize they were happening! I'm typing with such enthusiasm right now. Shaking my head in disbelief and wishing I were a better writer so that I could properly convey my excitement.
I know there will be glimpses of sadness ahead. I know there are still uncertainties in my life. But by golly gosh darn- I have A-R-R-I-V-E-D and is just too sweet not to share.
The day has come, it was yesterday for me. And guess what, I've got today. And then... I've got tomorrow too! Oh what life.
First of all, welcome family and friends! This is the first official post to my new blog of which is intended to be shared with my family and friends. I've been all over the map, but mostly off everyone's radar.. so I thought it was time take the public plunge and throw it all out there. If you're a nay-sayer or find yourself rolling your eyes at yet another "blogger" than please feel free to make your way to the top right hand corner of this screen and click the friendly "x" button. Because this is "Auntie Amber - Blog Time", as my niece KK would say. (I can't wait to share this particular story created by the funniest mini-human I know) Anyhoo, I'm a rambler, not a great speller and while I made A's- grammar is not my deal. So please let's not judge.
Welcome Greeting- Check
Blog Room Business- Check
First Blog- So I'm sitting in church yesterday and the pastor is talking about waiting for 2010 to be over. And oh how a loud clap rang out from the second to the last row of the balcony seating (yup , that where I sit since I can't ever make it on time) Ooo how I clapped, nodded my head and said a silent amen! For those who don't personally know me, I will share more at a later date- but its just too much of a story and actually isn't the reason for today's intro. post.
So I've got that giddy school girl smirk I seem to carry these days, I'm clapping my hands and before he could make it too far into the next sentence- it hit me. I'm already there. Well not in the sense that the calendar year of 2010 is over for me, but man 2010 is o-v-e-r for me! How, what, when, what the heck am I talking about.
At this point let me finish the story of yesterday's message, of course he went on to talk about there are no guarantees that 2011 will be any better and that we must rejoice in the times of where we are. I'm pretty sure he wrote the message for me. I mean forget the several thousands of other people that received the message- nope this one was certainly for me. I mean how else would my mind have concluded such things and already "got it" before he could even begin his talk? Needless to say, I was all ears on deck. And wheew.. it was a good one. My mind was racing faster than it has.. well in a good long while that is! There are several things that I left with yesterday, of which I'd love to share later, but for today I'm going to focus on one-
2010 is over for me. I have made it to the other side and I am magically blissfully happy. My dignity is in tact. My heart no longer races and feels like its going to explode. I'll shed a few sad tears after a few cocktails with the girls, but hold that horse- The tears I cried yesterday were pure- thankful- and joyful tears.
It wasn't too long ago I was overwhelmed with emotion, couldn't get out of bed and found myself without two legs to stand on. I felt like I was knocked unconscious and being dragged out of the party by those who cared. My legs of life didn't seem to work anymore, much less have any clue as to where they would be headed. In my secret blog I've kept about marriage and divorce, I concluded September 18, 2010 with this. "Oh the day (of peace)- I know you'll be here soon." Knowing the day would come has been my sole motivation to put one foot in front of the other and walk blindly into a world I no longer recognized.
It's been three months since I wrote that. In that time I've signed the final papers, I've quit my job, I've bought an investment property, I've sat in my robe until noon many days, I've played countless hours with my niece, I've joined a women's group at my church, I've danced my heart out, I've found solace in total strangers, but more than anything I've never believed so much in a God so good and the blessings he has for those who are faithful. I come from a tight circle of Christians, Jews and atheist- so lets not all start to run because I mention God.
But instead hear a story of when my house fell silent and I could no longer make it on my own, I prayed. I pray a lot these days. I am by far not a perfect anything, but geesh- if I had not prayed and continued praying I don't know I could have gotten where I am so soon. Yesterday's realization that 2010 was already over simple because of my own ability to recognize that I was truly happy again- what an "Ah ha" moment as Oprah would say. Ok yes, if you want to run at the mention of Oprah than more power to ya! But in all seriousness, I realized for the first time yesterday as I was gleefully clapping for 2010 to be over- that I was actually rejoicefully clapping because I'm just straight up rejoiceful these days. I'm happy. I'm excited. I know what my new goals are. I've got some freakin' exciting things on my horizon. And gosh darn, I didn't even realize they were happening! I'm typing with such enthusiasm right now. Shaking my head in disbelief and wishing I were a better writer so that I could properly convey my excitement.
I know there will be glimpses of sadness ahead. I know there are still uncertainties in my life. But by golly gosh darn- I have A-R-R-I-V-E-D and is just too sweet not to share.
The day has come, it was yesterday for me. And guess what, I've got today. And then... I've got tomorrow too! Oh what life.
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